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Seven Tips to Protect Children During a Divorce

Posted on : December 3, 2016, By:  Christopher Hildebrand
Seven Tips to Protect Children During a Divorce

Seven Tips to Protect Children During a Divorce

Whether or not your kids act out, your divorce will affect them. Unless a parent is abusive—and sometimes even then—children grieve when a parent moves out of the family home. But that separation is not the most damaging part of divorce for a child, according to experts. Bitter talk and hostile behavior between parents are the most detrimental elements of a parental break-up for the kids.

You can go a long way to helping your children cope with your divorce by adopting a civil code of conduct. Here are the bones of a set of rules of the road that can steer you through. Add others as they come up in your own divorce.

1) Think cooperation.

Cooperation is key. Divorcing parents can ease the stress on their kids by developing and fostering a cooperative relationship with each other. This means you need to turn conflicts into discussions and work together on each aspect of the divorce. No matter what awful things the other parent has done to you, don’t allow the relationship to dive into hostility. Consider and resolve problems like adults for the sake of your children.

2) Communicate appropriately with your kids.

Keeping the lines of communication open between you and your kids is essential during a divorce. But just any communication won’t do. You need to give your children age-appropriate information about the new normal in their lives. They don’t want or need to hear about your spouse’s cheating or other problems. They want to hear kid-critical details like who will drive them to school and where they will spend holidays. It’s also important to let them know that the break-up isn’t their fault. Both you and your spouse need to reaffirm your love for them. If possible and true, let them know you still care about each other. Continue down this path even if you can’t convince the other parent to do the same.

 

3) Listen to your children.

Seven Tips to Protect Children During a Divorce.

Seven Tips to Protect Children During a Divorce.

You feel angry and stressed about the break-up and afraid for the future—your kids probably do too. Don’t use this as an excuse to pour out your rage and fears into their young ears. Acknowledge that you are stressed and sad, but don’t weigh them down with the details of the separation or your feelings. Save these discussions for adult friends. On the other hand, encourage children to talk about what they are thinking and feeling.

The divorce will be over in a few months and sometimes longer, but the pain and anger may last a lot longer. Be sure that you are there for them in the years after the divorce. They may have new thoughts about it as they get older. They may ask different questions and need additional different information. Never shut them up by saying it’s done and you are trying to forget it.

4) Do not drag the kids into the fight.

It’s so easy to involve your kids, especially older kids, in the divorce, trying to get them to see things your way. Avoid this as much as possible. Even if your kids are grown, they do not want to be included in the divorce mess.

If you share too many details about divorce issues, you may make an older child hate the other parent. This kind of manipulation can cause lasting scars, and the hate can sometimes rebound on you. It can also make a child feel despair. Never tell children any details about your spouse’s bad behavior unless and until they need to know.

Nor should you ask your kids to negotiate with the other parent for you. If you need something clarified or altered, discuss the issue with your attorney or your ex. It is also a bad idea to ask your children to convey information to your ex. This places the children in the middle of the dialogue of their parents, which places them directly in the middle of the divorce. This is a place the children should be protected from.

5) Say nothing ugly, nothing bitter.

Remember that your ex is the beloved father or mother of your children. And the more love kids have in their lives, the better. That should inspire you to leave venom out of discussions in front of them.

Advice on Protecting Children During a Divorce Arizona.

Advice on Protecting Children During a Divorce Arizona.

Give them the gift of allowing, even encouraging, their guilt-free love for the other parent. Never speak of him or her with bitterness or suggest that your ex is a bad parent. Let your children decide how they feel on their own, knowing that those feelings will likely change over time. Don’t impose your own experiences and emotions about the other parent on them.

6) Be creative in the changing situation.

Use all your creativity and enlist your kids’ creativity to develop new family traditions to replace the old ones. Every member of the family will initially feel a sense of loss around holidays and special times. Even grown-up children may be sad to see the demise of family rituals like a family Thanksgiving with everybody present.

Replace rigidity with flexibility, especially when it comes to celebrating events like birthdays and holidays. You won’t be able to have the kids every holiday, so plan to celebrate the weekend before or the weekend after.

Don’t inquire minutely into the new traditions of the other parent. Your kids may feel disloyal to you if they enjoy themselves, disloyal to the other parent if they report back. If they share news about a happy time, be happy for them.

7) Consider getting professional counseling help for kids.

Do not hesitate to enlist the help of a trained therapist if you think your children are having difficulties accepting or processing the divorce. You’ll be able to tell how they’re doing if you keep listening to what they are saying.

Divorce is stressful for everyone and even tough-talking teens may be devastated inside. Sometimes just a few sessions with a counselor will be enough, but a longer term of counseling may be required to help them move through the emotions.

Jennifer, thank you for being my attorney. I could not have been more pleased with the outcome of my family court hearing. Everything you have done for me throughout this case reflects in the final ruling of the judge. You helped me keep my head together and taught me a lot about myself as a person. I learned so much about my life from observing and listening to you. I will take all the advice you gave me to continue taking responsibility for my choices, continue to put the kids' needs first, and always stay truthful. Your diligence, dedication, and persistence in my case made what seemed impossible, possible. You are a wonderful person and an amazing attorney and I am stronger and more confident because of you.
A Google User
A Google User
20:31 20 Sep 17
I just want to again thank the Firm for working with me all that it has. I could not have done anything without everyone's assistance. You, Chris and Stacey have been and continue to provide me with compassion and hard work towards my case. Also a very special thanks to Kip for taking my case in the beginning. Also continued support from him and his dedication to providing me with his expertise in this matter.
A Google User
A Google User
21:41 07 Nov 17
After interviewing several law firms, I came across Jennifer Shick, and her firm, who I hired to represent me for my Family Court case. Jennifer has extensive knowledge of the law and is determined to bring the truth to every issue involved within the case. Throughout my case, Jennifer was prepared meticulously as well as went above and beyond all of my expectations. Even when the other party tried to differ from the truth, lie to the Judge, and turn situations around, Jennifer remained attentive and provided substantial evidence to show the judge the facts as well as the proof to support what was the best interests of my children. Additionally, Jennifer helped me endure many difficult experiences, situations and inspired me to remain positive throughout the entirety of my case. Her kindness, compassion, and professionalism helped me through very difficult times and made the process feel a thousand times lighter on my shoulders. She truly has my children and my best interest at heart and I trust her perspective as well as her honesty on each and every aspect of my case. She lessened the burden on my shoulders and even when I felt like the case was not going to go in my favor, Jennifer was open-minded and reassured me that the Judge would, in fact, see the truth, which he did and the case went in my favor. After nine months of court, everything finally came together. I cannot declare how much Jennifer has been an outstanding attorney. She addressed each and every issue with diligence, she cares about her clients and their families. Jennifer genuinely cares about her clients and her dedication to the details of the case was remarkable. Overall, I am extremely pleased with Jennifer’s services and I am truly thankful that I was so blessed to have her represent my children and me. I highly recommend Jennifer as one of the best attorneys in Arizona and if the situation ever arises, I will definitely have her represent my children and me again.
Google User
Google User
14:58 04 Oct 17
Dear Stacey and Kip, How can I ever thank you enough for helping me through the most difficult time in my life? I couldn't put into words my heartfelt gratefulness. You both were so compassionate and professional at every given moment throughout this process with me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You helped me to regain my freedom.
A Google User
A Google User
16:03 22 Nov 17
I was a client of Attorney Kevin Park for the dissolution of a divorce in 2016. And since I had never had the need to hire an attorney before for any purpose, I was somewhat apprehensive of the process. But the very calm and professional demeanor of Mr. Park eased my fears. He adeptly answered all my questions and I clearly knew the process and what to expect. And the skilled manner he communicated with opposing counsel was perfect. When it came down to negotiating with my spouse’s counsel, I knew I had selected the best attorney for my situation. What I noticed and appreciated was that he was using just the right amount of pressure with opposing counsel as was necessary. If you find yourself in this situation, you will want a seasoned professional like Mr. Park on your side. I'm very grateful that he was my attorney and not the opposition!
A Google User
A Google User
22:14 28 Jun 17
Chris is a smart and aggressive attorney for his clients. Chris always tries to reach a fair settlement of his cases. I’ve represented clients when Chris was the opposing counsel and while he is professional and amicable to work with, he does not back off on what he needs to do for his client
A Google User
A Google User
18:16 18 Sep 17
Kevin Park of Arizona Estate Planning Attorneys was just what I needed for my divorce. He was very approachable and personable. He was quick to recognize what I needed and provided it quickly and efficiently. I hope to never need a divorce lawyer again, but if I know anyone else who does, I will definitely recommend Kevin.
A Google User
A Google User
19:22 23 Aug 17
I feel that Tracey Van Wickler is certainly one of the best family lawyers around. She is logical, intelligent, and truly cares. Tracey always does what is in the clients best interest, does it well, timely and with integrity. She is good at keeping her clients informed as to what is going on and clear in her communication both written and verbally. I have recommended Tracey to other people and will continue to recommend her. I recommended Tracey to someone who was having issues with their ex-wife and his response was, “I know how good she is because I went up against her and she ate me for lunch”. This same person was so impressed with her, he even recommended her to someone else, WOW, that is impressive! I am exceptionally happy with her attention to detail, her ability to explain things in ways that are easy to understand, as well as her ability to keep everyone focused on the most important things. I would recommend Tracey to anyone who may be in need of her services.
A Google User
A Google User
17:44 23 Jun 16
I retained Hildebrand Law after interview a number of firms in the valley. Working with Michael C. was incredibly easy and informative. My case progressed in such a organized and thought out way to ensure that my needs were met. Michael was incredibly proactive and was able to see far ahead into my case to steer clear of some roadblocks. I would not hesitate to recommend Michael Clancy, and Hildebrand Law in general, to anyone.
Bassam Ziadeh
Bassam Ziadeh
21:20 02 Apr 18
I have worked with Hildebrand law for about 8 years. They are always ready to serve, provide guidance and give you a few options. When they provide you options they also take the time to walk you through the pros and cons of each and give you a recommendation of what is best, but will listen to you and support whatever course you choose after making and educated choice. I’d recommend them to my closest friends and feel Chris Hildebrand is now a friend to me.
Larry Flint
Larry Flint
21:53 27 Feb 18
Despite the unfortunate situation I found myself in, Chris Hildebrand @ Hildebrand Law helped me maneuver every step with professionalism, expertise, and even a sensitivity that was an added bonus.Chris and his staff helped me even when I didn't know I needed the help. In other words. . . they made sure we did not leave anything undone. And in the rare instance we needed the expertise of another professional, Chris knew exactly who to recommend.Chris also knew, because of his experience, what to anticipate down the road of litigation. That meant we were better prepared to meet the challenges head on, which lead to a more equitable and fair outcome. I appreciated that Chris did his best to meet my every need in a timely fashion, even if I had a simple question that required only a phone call or e-mail or if we needed to talk face-to-face.I highly recommend Chris Hildebrand @ Hildebrand Law, PC.
Sam Franchimone
Sam Franchimone
22:09 12 Sep 13


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