You may long to read studies announcing that an impending marital split won’t affect the kids. Most divorcing parents would love to find evidence that a divorce will not hurt their kids. But even common sense tells you that isn’t true.
Divorce is stressful for everyone involved, including kids from tots to teens. But the way you and your spouse handle your divorce will either make the process less painful for them. Or it will make it harder.
It has been our experience that much younger children tolerate divorce between adolescent children or teenage children. The older the children are when the divorce occurs the more likely they will be affected and potentially act out in negative and destructive ways. This is particularly true if the divorce is the result of an affair by one of the parents. Let’s look at how divorce affects children.
A divorce thrusts major changes in a child’s life. The child neither asked for those changes, wanted those changes, or was prepared for these changes. Children change, yet have no control over the divorce shaking up their family. Kids want things to stay as they are, even if things are not that good.
They fear losing contact with a parent. They dread their parents’ anger with each other. They worry about the disruption in their own lives. Then there’s the possibility of a decline in family finances, the risk of losing their home. They also fear a parent may try to make them take sides in the divorce battle.
Divorce anxiety affects children in different ways, depending on their personalities and ages. Across the board, divorce increases the risk that children develop behavioral issues. If a child is already troubled, he is especially prone to have anger issues during a divorce. His disobedience and rule violations may increase, and school performance decrease. Sensitive children can suffer from long-term depression and anxiety. Older kids can turn into “little parents” who feel responsible for their sad parents.
However, don’t panic. When parents behave appropriately during and after the divorce, their kids usually do okay. Most children of divorce do not experience extreme behavior problems or emotional issues. Many children from divorced parents are strong and resilient enough to make it through a divorce relatively intact.
They develop like ordinary kids whose parents did not divorce, functioning well in and out of school. They can go on to lead happy lives. You and your spouse can limit the negative effect your divorce will have on your kids if you make it a priority. Modeling good parenting behavior in a time of personal crisis isn’t easy, but if you care about your children, it’s worth the effort.
Parents Impact How Divorce Affects Children
As a divorcing parent, you will not be able to protect your kids from the pain and sorrow of divorce. But pain and sadness are natural in this situation when life, as it was, is ending. It is perhaps for the best that you cannot take away your children’s pain or block it or erase it.
It may be their first experience of loss, but it surely will not be their last. Children, like adults, must move through the changes life brings and are entitled to grieve their losses. However, make no mistake about it: The choices you make during the divorce will either help your kids to cope or make it harder for them to heal.
It may not make sense to stay in an unhappy marriage “for the kids” but their emotional landscape should be on your mind during every single step you take toward ending your marriage.
So, what can you do to lessen the impact of a divorce on your children? You can start by letting your children know the divorce is not their fault. We do not condone telling the children the other parent is at fault and, instead, suggest you simply tell the children the divorce is amicable and the result of differences the parents could not resolve. You should that you want the children to see both parents frequently and that neither of you is going to disappear from their lives.
Next, avoid all verbal and non-verbal conflict with the other parent. Obvious signs of verbal conflict include arguing, yelling, or other hostile comments in front of the children. The children did not create your conflict, so show appropriate boundaries with your children and their need for peace and stability during your divorce. Non-verbal conflict includes that way you act towards the other parent at parenting time exchanges. Simply not saying anything to the other parent is a passively and aggressively sending non-verbal cues to the children that the other parent is so bad he or she cannot even converse with them.
Lastly, don’t hire an attorney who, despite all your efforts with the children, creates a divorce war between you and your spouse. It is hard enough to keep yourself together during a divorce, but a nasty divorce attorney can easily turn an amicable divorce into a divorce war. So, tell your attorney to exhibit some professional decorum when representing your interests in a divorce.
If you have questions about how divorce affects children in an Arizona divorce case, you should seriously consider contacting the attorneys at Hildebrand Law, PC. Our Arizona divorce and family law attorneys have over 100 years of combined experience successfully representing clients in divorce and family law cases.
Our family law firm has earned numerous awards such as US News and World Reports Best Arizona Family Law Firm, US News and World Report Best Divorce Attorneys, “Best of the Valley” by Arizona Foothills readers, and “Best Arizona Divorce Law Firms” by North Scottsdale Magazine.
Call us today at (480)305-8300 or reach out to us through our appointment scheduling form to schedule your personalized consultation and turn your Arizona divorce or family law case around today.
More Articles About Divorce in Arizona
- The advantage of Filing Divorce First in Arizona
- Are Prenuptial Agreements Enforceable in Arizona
- Arizona Divorce
- Arizona Divorce Attorney Reviews
- Arizona Divorce Child Custody
- Arizona Divorce Debt
- Arizona Divorce Forms
- Arizona Divorce Laws
- Arizona Divorce Laws Alimony
- Arizona Divorce Laws and Statutes
- Arizona Divorce Laws on Adultery
- Arizona Divorce Papers
- Arizona Divorce Practice
- Arizona Divorce Process
- Arizona Divorce Records Search
- Arizona Marriage Laws
- Asset and Property Search in an Arizona Divorce
- Arizona Divorce When You Can’t Find Your Spouse
- Change to Maiden Name After Divorce in Arizona
- Changing Orders in an Arizona Divorce Decree
- Children and Divorce in Arizona
- College Expenses After Divorce in Arizona
- Complex Divorce Cases in Arizona
- Conciliation Court Services in Arizona
- Consent Required for Marriage of Minors in Arizona
- Considering the Children during a Divorce in Arizona
- Convert to a Covenant Marriage in Arizona
- Coping With Divorce in Arizona
- Court Services to Save a Marriage in Arizona
- Custody of the Family Pet in a Divorce in Arizona
- Dissolution of Marriage in Arizona
- Divorce After Legal Separation in Arizona
- Divorce and Children in Arizona
- Divorce Arizona
- Divorce Case is on the Inactive Calendar in Arizona
- Divorce Court Jurisdiction in Arizona
- Divorce in Arizona Without Children
- Divorce Procedures in Arizona
- Divorce Records in Arizona
- Divorce Statistics in Arizona
- Divorce Support Groups in Arizona
- Domestic Violence and Divorce in Arizona
- Effect of Adultery on an Arizona Divorce
- Effects of Divorce on Children in Arizona
- Enforceable Arizona Prenuptial Agreements
- Failure to Include an Issue in an Arizona Divorce
- Filing for Divorce in Arizona
- Filing for Divorce to Receive Alimony in Arizona
- Guide to Divorce for Men in Arizona
- High Asset Divorce in Arizona
- High Conflict Divorce in Arizona
- High Net Worth Divorce Arizona
- How is a Divorce Finalized in Arizona
- How Long Does a Contested Divorce Take in Arizona
- How Long Does it Take to Get a Divorce in Arizona
- How Long Does it Take to Get Divorced in Arizona
- How Long Does Uncontested Divorce Take in Arizona
- How Long To Be Separated Before Divorce in Arizona
- How long to get Temporary Orders in Arizona
- How Much Does it Cost to Get a Divorce in Arizona
- How to Appeal a Divorce Decree in Arizona
- How To Find Good Divorce Attorney in Arizona
- How to Start a Divorce in Arizona
- Learn About Uncontested Divorce in Arizona
- Legally Separated File Divorce in Arizona
- Marital Settlement Agreement in Arizona
- The merger of the Settlement Agreement in Arizona
- Military Divorce Laws in Arizona
- Misled Into Signing Divorce Settlement in Arizona
- Modifying a Divorce Decree in Arizona
- No Contest Divorce in Arizona
- No-Fault Divorce in Arizona
- Order to Pay Spouses Attorney Fees in Arizona
- Parenting Class During a Divorce in Arizona
- Petition for Dissolution of Marriage in Arizona
- Protect Children in a Divorce in Arizona
- Quick Divorce in Arizona
- Reasons for Divorce in Arizona
- Reasons to File for Divorce in Arizona
- Represent Yourself in Arizona Divorce Case
- Same-Sex Divorce in Arizona
- Sealing Court Records in an Arizona Divorce
- Sell Home During Divorce in Arizona
- Selling Property During a Divorce in Arizona
- Served With Divorce Papers in Arizona
- Serving Divorce Papers by Publication in Arizona
- Should I Keep the House in a Divorce in Arizona
- Social Media Evidence in Divorce in Arizona
- Stop an Arizona Divorce
- Stop an Arizona Divorce if You Change Your Mind
- What Happens at a Resolution Management Conference in Arizona
- What Happens If the Divorce Case Goes to Trial in Arizona
- What Happens Temporary Orders Hearing in Arizona
- What is a Covenant Marriage in Arizona
- What is a Default Divorce in Arizona
- What is a Family Law Master in an Arizona Divorce Case
- What is a Preliminary Injunction in an Arizona Divorce
- What is a Temporary Orders Hearing in Arizona
- What is the Divorce Process in Arizona
- What Reasons Do I Need to Obtain a Divorce in a Covenant Marriage in Arizona
- What to do When Served with Divorce Papers in Arizona
- When Can I File For Divorce in Arizona
As Seen on CBS News, ABC News, NBC News, and Fox News
What’s Hot – Blog
About the Author: Chris Hildebrand has over 26 years of Arizona family law experience and received awards from US News and World Report, Phoenix Magazine, Arizona Foothills Magazine and others. Visit https://www.hildebrandlaw.com.