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Child Custody and Narcissistic Personality Disorders in Arizona | Voted “Best of the Valley”

Posted on : March 14, 2016, By:  Christopher Hildebrand
Child Custody and Narcissistic Parent in Arizona

Child Custody and Narcissistic Personality Disorders in Arizona 

Child Custody and Narcissistic Personality Disorders in Arizona.

Child Custody and Narcissistic Personality Disorders in Arizona.

A narcissist spouse, whether a narcissistic father or a narcissistic father, is only interested in them and sees themselves as the center of the universe. This vision does not change when he or she has children, but don’t take that to mean that he or she is likely to shrug off child custody issues. In order to maintain the grandiose and inflated personality he or she has created, your narcissist spouse will go into the divorce court intending to win all issues at all costs. Divorcing a narcissist with children in Arizona is going to likely result in custody battle. You need to know how to divorce a narcissist and win. A no-holds-barred divorce battle is unpleasant for all involved, including you, since your spouse will view you as their mortal enemy. But this kind of high conflict, contentious divorce is particularly damaging for your children who will be manipulated by your spouse and used as pawns against you without regard to the emotional damage caused to them.

Jennifer, thank you for being my attorney. I could not have been more pleased with the outcome of my family court hearing. Everything you have done for me throughout this case reflects in the final ruling of the judge. You helped me keep my head together and taught me a lot about myself as a person. I learned so much about my life from observing and listening to you. I will take all the advice you gave me to continue taking responsibility for my choices, continue to put the kids' needs first, and always stay truthful. Your diligence, dedication, and persistence in my case made what seemed impossible, possible. You are a wonderful person and an amazing attorney and I am stronger and more confident because of you.
A Google User
A Google User
20:31 20 Sep 17
I just want to again thank the Firm for working with me all that it has. I could not have done anything without everyone's assistance. You, Chris and Stacey have been and continue to provide me with compassion and hard work towards my case. Also a very special thanks to Kip for taking my case in the beginning. Also continued support from him and his dedication to providing me with his expertise in this matter.
A Google User
A Google User
21:41 07 Nov 17
After interviewing several law firms, I came across Jennifer Shick, and her firm, who I hired to represent me for my Family Court case. Jennifer has extensive knowledge of the law and is determined to bring the truth to every issue involved within the case. Throughout my case, Jennifer was prepared meticulously as well as went above and beyond all of my expectations. Even when the other party tried to differ from the truth, lie to the Judge, and turn situations around, Jennifer remained attentive and provided substantial evidence to show the judge the facts as well as the proof to support what was the best interests of my children. Additionally, Jennifer helped me endure many difficult experiences, situations and inspired me to remain positive throughout the entirety of my case. Her kindness, compassion, and professionalism helped me through very difficult times and made the process feel a thousand times lighter on my shoulders. She truly has my children and my best interest at heart and I trust her perspective as well as her honesty on each and every aspect of my case. She lessened the burden on my shoulders and even when I felt like the case was not going to go in my favor, Jennifer was open-minded and reassured me that the Judge would, in fact, see the truth, which he did and the case went in my favor. After nine months of court, everything finally came together. I cannot declare how much Jennifer has been an outstanding attorney. She addressed each and every issue with diligence, she cares about her clients and their families. Jennifer genuinely cares about her clients and her dedication to the details of the case was remarkable. Overall, I am extremely pleased with Jennifer’s services and I am truly thankful that I was so blessed to have her represent my children and me. I highly recommend Jennifer as one of the best attorneys in Arizona and if the situation ever arises, I will definitely have her represent my children and me again.
Google User
Google User
14:58 04 Oct 17
Dear Stacey and Kip, How can I ever thank you enough for helping me through the most difficult time in my life? I couldn't put into words my heartfelt gratefulness. You both were so compassionate and professional at every given moment throughout this process with me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You helped me to regain my freedom.
A Google User
A Google User
16:03 22 Nov 17
I was a client of Attorney Kevin Park for the dissolution of a divorce in 2016. And since I had never had the need to hire an attorney before for any purpose, I was somewhat apprehensive of the process. But the very calm and professional demeanor of Mr. Park eased my fears. He adeptly answered all my questions and I clearly knew the process and what to expect. And the skilled manner he communicated with opposing counsel was perfect. When it came down to negotiating with my spouse’s counsel, I knew I had selected the best attorney for my situation. What I noticed and appreciated was that he was using just the right amount of pressure with opposing counsel as was necessary. If you find yourself in this situation, you will want a seasoned professional like Mr. Park on your side. I'm very grateful that he was my attorney and not the opposition!
A Google User
A Google User
22:14 28 Jun 17
Chris is a smart and aggressive attorney for his clients. Chris always tries to reach a fair settlement of his cases. I’ve represented clients when Chris was the opposing counsel and while he is professional and amicable to work with, he does not back off on what he needs to do for his client
A Google User
A Google User
18:16 18 Sep 17
Kevin Park of Arizona Estate Planning Attorneys was just what I needed for my divorce. He was very approachable and personable. He was quick to recognize what I needed and provided it quickly and efficiently. I hope to never need a divorce lawyer again, but if I know anyone else who does, I will definitely recommend Kevin.
A Google User
A Google User
19:22 23 Aug 17
I feel that Tracey Van Wickler is certainly one of the best family lawyers around. She is logical, intelligent, and truly cares. Tracey always does what is in the clients best interest, does it well, timely and with integrity. She is good at keeping her clients informed as to what is going on and clear in her communication both written and verbally. I have recommended Tracey to other people and will continue to recommend her. I recommended Tracey to someone who was having issues with their ex-wife and his response was, “I know how good she is because I went up against her and she ate me for lunch”. This same person was so impressed with her, he even recommended her to someone else, WOW, that is impressive! I am exceptionally happy with her attention to detail, her ability to explain things in ways that are easy to understand, as well as her ability to keep everyone focused on the most important things. I would recommend Tracey to anyone who may be in need of her services.
A Google User
A Google User
17:44 23 Jun 16
I retained Hildebrand Law after interview a number of firms in the valley. Working with Michael C. was incredibly easy and informative. My case progressed in such a organized and thought out way to ensure that my needs were met. Michael was incredibly proactive and was able to see far ahead into my case to steer clear of some roadblocks. I would not hesitate to recommend Michael Clancy, and Hildebrand Law in general, to anyone.
Bassam Ziadeh
Bassam Ziadeh
21:20 02 Apr 18
I have worked with Hildebrand law for about 8 years. They are always ready to serve, provide guidance and give you a few options. When they provide you options they also take the time to walk you through the pros and cons of each and give you a recommendation of what is best, but will listen to you and support whatever course you choose after making and educated choice. I’d recommend them to my closest friends and feel Chris Hildebrand is now a friend to me.
Larry Flint
Larry Flint
21:53 27 Feb 18
Despite the unfortunate situation I found myself in, Chris Hildebrand @ Hildebrand Law helped me maneuver every step with professionalism, expertise, and even a sensitivity that was an added bonus.Chris and his staff helped me even when I didn't know I needed the help. In other words. . . they made sure we did not leave anything undone. And in the rare instance we needed the expertise of another professional, Chris knew exactly who to recommend.Chris also knew, because of his experience, what to anticipate down the road of litigation. That meant we were better prepared to meet the challenges head on, which lead to a more equitable and fair outcome. I appreciated that Chris did his best to meet my every need in a timely fashion, even if I had a simple question that required only a phone call or e-mail or if we needed to talk face-to-face.I highly recommend Chris Hildebrand @ Hildebrand Law, PC.
Sam Franchimone
Sam Franchimone
22:09 12 Sep 13

Narcissists Are Not Good Parents

If you have children with a narcissist spouse, you already know that narcissists do not make very good parents. People with this personality disorder use others, including their kids, to meet their own needs. If the narcissist finds a child talented or intelligent, they use her as an accouterment to demonstrate to others how great he or she is as a parent. They ignore the kids who aren’t overachievers, who are difficult or timid or have special needs. Even the “exceptional” child will be ignored by the narcissist parent when nobody is around to show her off to. The narcissist usually doesn’t have much time for their kids.

They don’t engage with them, and rarely attend their school or extracurricular activities, giving them the clear message that they aren’t important enough. Of course, the harm a narcissist parent inflicts on his or her children can be far worse than this. A narcissist tends to be judgmental and critical of everyone around them, ridiculing and mocking them viciously in order to boost their fragile ego. They are easily angered by the perceived slight, including any moment a child isn’t paying him or her the attention they feel they deserve. They may erupt in rage if one of the kids disagrees with his or her opinions or fails to meet expectations.

Narcissist parents can abuse their children both physically and emotionally. In fact, many spouses make the decision to divorce a narcissist spouse because of the deep pain they inflict on the children. You were aware that such a parent cannot empathize with you, but somehow you never expected them to be completely unable or unwilling to tune into the kids’ feelings. As you watch your kids try endlessly to win their attention and love, without success, something cracks and you call your attorney.

Hildebrand Law, PC | Voted Best of Our Valley in Arizona Foothills Magazine.

Hildebrand Law, PC | Voted Best of Our Valley in Arizona Foothills Magazine.

Narcissists Turn Nasty in Divorce Court

Despite your spouse’s disinterest in the kids at home, things look different in divorce court. Once you file for divorce, you are the enemy trying to steal their money, their house and their kids, at least in their eyes. Every last one of the children suddenly becomes essential to them — because they are the best pawns in their all-out war with you. Your narcissist spouse will do anything to win the sympathy of the kids, and if they have longed for his attention, it won’t be too hard to accomplish.

You will need to know how to win custody against a narcissist. They may use gifts to win their hearts, or suddenly bestow unusual privileges, like pulling them from school to head out to an amusement park. They may schedule a trip to Disneyland with them and take lots of photos that end up in their divorce court filings. Perhaps most painful to you, your narcissist spouse will try to convince the kids that you are to blame for the divorce and also any issues they have with them. And they may succeed, at least temporarily. If he or she doesn’t show up when they are scheduled to pick them up, it’s your fault. If they are feeling sick or sad, you are to blame.

How to handle your narcissist spouse in child custody case

Dealing with a Narcissistic Parent.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Parent.

You may need to prove a narcissistic father or a narcissistic mother will not be invested in your child and, therefore, it is not in their bests interests to be awarded custody of your children. Dealing with a narcissist over custody in Arizona can be a daunting challenge. You are likely to find yourself in a child custody battle with a narcissistic mother or father. Divorce proceedings are difficult for kids. They are losing their family –unhappy, but it is all they have ever known — and they feel pulled between their parents even when nobody asks them to take sides. When one parent is a narcissist, the divorce becomes ugly.

Your narcissistic spouse will want to turn it into one of those long, extended court cases that cost tens of thousands of dollars and require sessions with case evaluators, the court appointed mediators and child therapists. Kids are not only stressed by the family breakup, they are actively solicited to take the narcissist’s side and manipulated by them in ways that will tear them apart.

Another part of the equation that is difficult is that, when you appear before the judge to discuss parenting time, the narcissist will carefully cover up the crazed megalomaniac they are. The judge will see the charming person who wooed and won you. Your spouse will be on his or her best behavior, seducing the court with their calm, reasonable discourse. They will make a persuasive case that you are to blame for their failures as a parent, and also discredit your statements about their lack of parenting skills as biased and unsupported. The judge may not be well versed in narcissist behavior, so your spouse won’t be seen as the manipulator he is, but just a normal, loving father who has been trying to engage with his kids, but been blocked at every attempt.

Child Custody and Narcissistic Personality Disorders.

Child Custody and Narcissistic Personality Disorders.

You’ll need a couple of things to get through these proceedings without going crazy: 1) a lawyer with significant experience working against narcissists; and 2) a diary in which you have documented your spouse’s interactions with you and the kids since you separated. The importance of hiring a strong, experienced divorce attorney cannot be overstated. Look for a lawyer with hands-on experience opposing narcissists in court, who knows about the personality disorder and the tricks a narcissist spouse is likely to pull. An experienced attorney will not let your spouse run the show and will take steps to prevent him from grandstanding.

A good attorney experienced in litigating child custody cases against a narcissistic parent will team up with tough, knowledgeable mental health professionals who will evaluate your family and work to protect your children. A good lawyer will also know the kinds of court orders available in your state to prevent continued abuse from the narcissist after the divorce order is issued.

What kinds of help can you expect from the court

Talk to your attorney about whether a domestic violence restraining order action is appropriate. In many states, it does not matter that the domestic violence occurred long before you filed for divorce; if it ever occurred, you may be eligible for a restraining order. Some state laws permit restraining orders for conduct that does not involve physical violence, like threatening, harassing, stalking, destroying personal property, and disturbing the peace of the other party (you).

Many courts also have authority to tailor a divorce decree to control difficult and emotionally abusive parents. They can include non-disparagement clauses (orders precluding parents from speaking badly of the other before the kids), orders forbidding parents from verbal or physical outbursts that threaten the children, or orders precluding certain types of punishment, including corporal punishment. Courts can also require ongoing therapy for the kids and even mandate supervised visitation or monitored visitation.

For more information about narcissists and child support and visitation issues, see Are You Married to a Narcissist, the first article in this series, or see Divorcing a NarcissistNarcissists and Child Support, and Narcissist Divorce Advice, and Choosing a Divorce Attorney Against a Narcissist for the other articles in this series.

Call us at (480)305-8300 to scheduled your personalized consultation with one of our experienced Phoenix and Scottsdale Arizona child custody attorneys.



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