Child Support and the Narcissist Parent in Arizona | Voted “Best of the Valley”
Posted on : March 14, 2016, By: Christopher Hildebrand
Child Support and the Narcissist Parent in Arizona
Child Support and the Narcissist Parent in Arizona.
If you believe that your narcissist spouse will want to pay child support in order to prove to the world what a good person they are, think again. Extracting child support is not going to be easy. A narcissist spouse will fight the concept of paying you anything for the children with whatever lies and manipulation of the legal process they can muster. They are likely to pay slow or not at all even if you have a very clear court order requiring it. A narcissist doesn’t think about the needs of their children. You may stay up nights worrying about whether your kids can go to summer camp or keep up ballet lessons after your divorce, but your ex won’t.
He or she won’t think about those issues at all, nor will they be troubled by the question of whether they have a roof over their heads or enough to eat. They will use the kids as pawns to hurt you during the divorce, but once it’s over and they have moved on to another relationship, they may not think of you and the kids at all. Putting their money into raising your children conflicts directly with their personal beliefs. That’s narcissism for you. The Mayo Clinic defines narcissism as a personality disorder in which someone has “an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. People with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”
Jennifer, thank you for being my attorney. I could not have been more pleased with the outcome of my family court hearing. Everything you have done for me throughout this case reflects in the final ruling of the judge. You helped me keep my head together and taught me a lot about myself as a person. I learned so much about my life from observing and listening to you. I will take all the advice you gave me to continue taking responsibility for my choices, continue to put the kids' needs first, and always stay truthful. Your diligence, dedication, and persistence in my case made what seemed impossible, possible. You are a wonderful person and an amazing attorney and I am stronger and more confident because of you.
I just want to again thank the Firm for working with me all that it has. I could not have done anything without everyone's assistance. You, Chris and Stacey have been and continue to provide me with compassion and hard work towards my case. Also a very special thanks to Kip for taking my case in the beginning. Also continued support from him and his dedication to providing me with his expertise in this matter.
After interviewing several law firms, I came across Jennifer Shick, and her firm, who I hired to represent me for my Family Court case. Jennifer has extensive knowledge of the law and is determined to bring the truth to every issue involved within the case. Throughout my case, Jennifer was prepared meticulously as well as went above and beyond all of my expectations. Even when the other party tried to differ from the truth, lie to the Judge, and turn situations around, Jennifer remained attentive and provided substantial evidence to show the judge the facts as well as the proof to support what was the best interests of my children. Additionally, Jennifer helped me endure many difficult experiences, situations and inspired me to remain positive throughout the entirety of my case. Her kindness, compassion, and professionalism helped me through very difficult times and made the process feel a thousand times lighter on my shoulders. She truly has my children and my best interest at heart and I trust her perspective as well as her honesty on each and every aspect of my case. She lessened the burden on my shoulders and even when I felt like the case was not going to go in my favor, Jennifer was open-minded and reassured me that the Judge would, in fact, see the truth, which he did and the case went in my favor. After nine months of court, everything finally came together. I cannot declare how much Jennifer has been an outstanding attorney. She addressed each and every issue with diligence, she cares about her clients and their families. Jennifer genuinely cares about her clients and her dedication to the details of the case was remarkable. Overall, I am extremely pleased with Jennifer’s services and I am truly thankful that I was so blessed to have her represent my children and me. I highly recommend Jennifer as one of the best attorneys in Arizona and if the situation ever arises, I will definitely have her represent my children and me again.
Dear Stacey and Kip, How can I ever thank you enough for helping me through the most difficult time in my life? I couldn't put into words my heartfelt gratefulness. You both were so compassionate and professional at every given moment throughout this process with me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You helped me to regain my freedom.
I was a client of Attorney Kevin Park for the dissolution of a divorce in 2016. And since I had never had the need to hire an attorney before for any purpose, I was somewhat apprehensive of the process. But the very calm and professional demeanor of Mr. Park eased my fears. He adeptly answered all my questions and I clearly knew the process and what to expect. And the skilled manner he communicated with opposing counsel was perfect. When it came down to negotiating with my spouse’s counsel, I knew I had selected the best attorney for my situation. What I noticed and appreciated was that he was using just the right amount of pressure with opposing counsel as was necessary. If you find yourself in this situation, you will want a seasoned professional like Mr. Park on your side. I'm very grateful that he was my attorney and not the opposition!
Chris is a smart and aggressive attorney for his clients. Chris always tries to reach a fair settlement of his cases. I’ve represented clients when Chris was the opposing counsel and while he is professional and amicable to work with, he does not back off on what he needs to do for his client
Kevin Park of Arizona Estate Planning Attorneys was just what I needed for my divorce. He was very approachable and personable. He was quick to recognize what I needed and provided it quickly and efficiently. I hope to never need a divorce lawyer again, but if I know anyone else who does, I will definitely recommend Kevin.
I feel that Tracey Van Wickler is certainly one of the best family lawyers around. She is logical, intelligent, and truly cares. Tracey always does what is in the clients best interest, does it well, timely and with integrity. She is good at keeping her clients informed as to what is going on and clear in her communication both written and verbally. I have recommended Tracey to other people and will continue to recommend her. I recommended Tracey to someone who was having issues with their ex-wife and his response was, “I know how good she is because I went up against her and she ate me for lunch”. This same person was so impressed with her, he even recommended her to someone else, WOW, that is impressive! I am exceptionally happy with her attention to detail, her ability to explain things in ways that are easy to understand, as well as her ability to keep everyone focused on the most important things. I would recommend Tracey to anyone who may be in need of her services.
I retained Hildebrand Law after interview a number of firms in the valley. Working with Michael C. was incredibly easy and informative. My case progressed in such a organized and thought out way to ensure that my needs were met. Michael was incredibly proactive and was able to see far ahead into my case to steer clear of some roadblocks. I would not hesitate to recommend Michael Clancy, and Hildebrand Law in general, to anyone.
I have worked with Hildebrand law for about 8 years. They are always ready to serve, provide guidance and give you a few options. When they provide you options they also take the time to walk you through the pros and cons of each and give you a recommendation of what is best, but will listen to you and support whatever course you choose after making and educated choice. I’d recommend them to my closest friends and feel Chris Hildebrand is now a friend to me.
Despite the unfortunate situation I found myself in, Chris Hildebrand @ Hildebrand Law helped me maneuver every step with professionalism, expertise, and even a sensitivity that was an added bonus.Chris and his staff helped me even when I didn't know I needed the help. In other words. . . they made sure we did not leave anything undone. And in the rare instance we needed the expertise of another professional, Chris knew exactly who to recommend.Chris also knew, because of his experience, what to anticipate down the road of litigation. That meant we were better prepared to meet the challenges head on, which lead to a more equitable and fair outcome. I appreciated that Chris did his best to meet my every need in a timely fashion, even if I had a simple question that required only a phone call or e-mail or if we needed to talk face-to-face.I highly recommend Chris Hildebrand @ Hildebrand Law, PC.
A Narcissist Lacks Empathy – Even for Their Own Children
Conveniently for the narcissist, the lack of empathy that is part of this disorder helps them avoid any feelings of guilt or chagrin at stunting their kids. Taking care of others is simply not high on their priority list unless the “others” are in a position of power or have something that they want. Since children are not powerful, child support payments to support them won’t get a lot of their attention, unless not paying has serious legal consequences. A narcissist will fight you every step of the way on child support. You are lucky if your spouse is a full-time employee, since, in that case, court-ordered child support is simply a mathematical calculation performed by the court applying the state’s child support guidelines.
Your attorney will get a wage assignment order and the child support will come directly from his or her paycheck. It’s infinitely harder when an ex works for themselves since extracting solid numbers about their earnings will be difficult. They are likely to commit every possible kind of financial obfuscation to confound your attempts to figure out how much they earn. They may lie about their income, hide or divert assets, refuse to respond to requests for documents during the discovery process in litigation, and drive up the cost of the divorce in any and every way possible, including fighting massive court battles about simple matters.
Hildebrand Law, PC | Voted Best of Our Valley in Arizona Foothills Magazine.
Even if you get the financial information you need, you can’t garnish their wages if they are self-employed. That means you may have to struggle, month after month, to get any money. If your spouse has been holding a part-time job or no job, you are likely the primary wage earner in the family. Some narcissists strive for high positions in important companies, while others work very little and expect the spouse – this means you – to pick up the slack. If you’ve been burning the candle at both ends to make ends meet while your spouse works only occasionally, your battle will be more difficult. Your attorney will have to build a case proving that he or she is deliberately underemployed – that is, that he or she made the deliberate choice to earn less than they could and should earn.
Child Support and Narcissist Parents in Arizona.
Even then, forcing a narcissist-ex to get a better job is not easy. A narcissist will not put child support high on their list. For a narcissist, love doesn’t make the world go round; that would be admiration. They crave admiration and will go to almost any extent to get it, including living beyond their means. Many narcissists purchase homes far grander than they need or can afford, swap in last year’s car on a new car every year, and stock up on impressive, name-brand clothes. And they are probably right up there on the list for buying the newest iPhone. Given these out-of-proportion expenditures, it is entirely possible that your spouse won’t have money left to contribute to your kids’ support even if he or she does earn a decent salary. And their compulsion to keep up the appearance of wealth sets their priorities when it comes to paying bills. They will first pay the bills they must to keep the admiration coming. They will make their house payment, car payment, and a minimum credit card payment (so as not to damage his or her credit score.), but they will drag their feet on paying for things they don’t value – like child support.
How to Get Child Support From a Narcissistic Parent
If your ex is a narcissist, you’ll need a very detailed child support order in your divorce decree. A strong divorce attorney with experience with narcissists is your best bet. He or she will ask the judge to spell out every single financial requirement in writing. The more specific the order, the easier it is to enforce. Your divorce decree and support order come with a wage assignment order in some states. In others, your attorney will have to make the request. You’ll also want to talk with your attorney about being prepared to file an action for contempt the first time – and every time – the narcissist fails to meet a financial commitment. Seek attorney fees and costs with every contempt motion, and ask the court for a wage garnishment or an order to levy his or her accounts, if you don’t already have one. Over time, the judge is likely to see things your way. Once you demonstrate to the narcissist that he or she will suffer consequences if they fail to make child support payments, they will likely begin paying.